11.3.08

loneliness is just a word that means there is no one around right now and you are starting to remember what it is like when there is someone around

loneliness is just a word that means there is no one around right now and you are starting to remember what it is like when there is someone around and it is possible that you are okay while you attack your psyche but it feels like you have been lonely your whole life and nothing is going to change but that is just stupid because things change a lot and you are different again like you just grew up again and nothing is that wrong you are just bored and want you to have someone there to remind you it isn’t that bad and everything will be just fine

__________

on the internet i say i don’t hate people
tao lin says he hates people a lot more than i do

i am alone at a restaurant
everyone is talking
i feel detached and serious
because that is how i feel when i am around people
i hear you say that you hate people
and i do too but it is because i need them to survive
and i have no control

then you are standing on the path talking
i move very close to you
i hug you a little while you are telling me something
you pat my head and say, ‘i know’ and throw something in the trash

on the train i look you in the eyes
i say i always look people in the eyes now
you ask why
i say so people can see the weakness is my eyes

the next night at four in the morning
i remember when you threw something in the trash and i relate a little